What Do Men Want?

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  • Ladies, if you’re looking to find or keep love, we have yet another relationship book for you. Rap legend, TV dad and minister Rev. Run, who is married, and singer/actor/author, Tyrese Gibson, who is divorced, have joined forces to create a book on men and love from their very different perspectives. That book is “Manology” which has been co-signed by such luminaries as Quincy Jones, Sanaa Lathan, Iyanla Vanzant, Bernice King, Bishop Kenneth C. Ulmer and La La and Carmelo Anthony. We took a look inside to see what wisdom the brothers dropped and whether we felt it was worth following or not.

    INSIGHT: Rev. Run says every man has a season.
    It’s not surprise that Rev. Run often comes from a Biblical perspective. He and his wife Justine have found happiness in their marriage by following Biblical principles. He says that every man has a season based on the scripture in Corinthians 13:11, and that if you catch a man in the wrong season, i.e. when he’s still in the non-committal phase, the relationship won’t work.
    WE THINK: This may be the most valuable piece of advice in the book. If a man isn’t ready to settle down, even the best woman can’t make him do it. If he still wants to run around and party and BS, then there’s not much any woman can do to slow him down.

    INSIGHT: Tyrese says have patience with a good man.
    Tyrese says that women need to be more patient with their men because if they are, they might find that the man will come around to become the kind of guy they are seeking. He makes sure to exclude men who can’t be redeemed like abusers, deadbeats and addicts but says sometimes women give up too easily.
    WE THINK: He has a point, to a point. Tyrese advocates patience for women but throughout the book, at least from his perspective, the burden of holding the relationship together is on the woman. We’d like to for once see a relationship book geared to men that focuses on the things women want out of them and how they could improve.

    INSIGHT: Rev. Run says no sex before marriage, but afterwards, both partners should be prepared to give it up on demand.
    WE THINK: You might have to be a reverend for this one. Once again using the Bible as his guide, Rev. Run says that men and women should wait until marriage to have sex. But once they’re married, a man and woman should never deny sex to the other. While this might seem like sensible advice, it seems challenging in practice. What if one spouse is running a fever and the other is horny? What if one is drunk? Or what if someone’s been up all night taking care of a sick child and has to go to work in the morning? But as sex is a big issue in a lot of marriages, maybe Rev. has a point. As far as premarital sex is concerned, even he knows that’s a tall order for most people and amends his directive somewhat to ask women especially just to take their time.

    INSIGHT: Tyrese says women need to meet their man’s every need; otherwise they’ll try to get those needs met by multiple women.
    WE THINK: Tyrese admits he’s very needy, and in his memoir he discusses his dysfunctional childhood, which is probably why. But his stated expectation that his woman meet his every physical and emotional need would be daunting for any one woman. As Sweet Brown says, “Ain’tnobody got time for that.”  Tyrese gives credit to his current (unidentified) girlfriend who must have bottomless reserves of patience, but for the rest of us, his expectations are simply ridiculous. And it doesn’t seem as though he believes those expectations go both ways.

    OVERALL INSIGHT:
    The most interesting thing about “Manology” is the different perspective and how honest both men are about their shortcomings. But every relationship is different and what works for some doesn’t work for all. Both men are celebrities who have led lifestyles that vary from those of regular working men and that has had an impact on their views and choices. There is some good thought-and-discussion-provoking information in “Manology,” but at the end of the day, you’d do best figuring out how to make your own relationship work with the individual you’re with. Or to figure out how to become a more confident, secure person so you can attract the same.

    Rev. Run and Tyrese discuss “Manology” on “The Couch.”

    Rev Run and Tyrese answer questions from Text Tom Club Members.

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    15 thoughts on “What Do Men Want?

    1. Good day our kids participant! I want to point out that this particular article is usually amazing, nice written and come by using close to all important infos. I would like to observe a lot more articles this way .

    2. I am very particular about having a man that looks every direction while we are out having dinner. Glare and stare at every woman he sees, and continually lies. If I am experiencing this from a multiplex of men I have dated in BLACK culture, and/or had relations over past 35 years of my life with about 5 or more men and it failed for poor behavior of men. To me, those BLACK men in the neighborhood and category I chose–supposedly quality professional men, are not what I need to worry about in his future wants and desires. The older I get, my focus is on what I want, for BLACK men, of which I date, their not to me developing to build a relationship, but passing through. One day he would not be able to continue passing through the next and the next, because he would end up with a terminal STD. It is time for me in my life to remain focus on not catching anything, rather than worrying about what a BLACK man, or for any man out there, what he wants. Now it is time for him to focus on what I want. If he cannot give it to me in great abundance an exclusive relationship until death do us part, he needs to carry on with his life someplace else.

    3. Pingback: Rev Run & Tyrese on Cheating, Marriage & More | 99.3-105.7 Kiss FM

      • Sherrie, explain to me, why must you bring race up??? Love sees no color, height, weight, beauty, money, etc. (at least true, unconditional love). I suggest you first learn to love yourself, then, perhaps a black man will love you as well. Don’t be so bitter sweetie. Race is not a factor here!

        • Whoa!!!! I love myself and my husband loves me as well. I am no way a bitter woman. I do not understand how a man who will not date women of his own race give relationship advice to the women he is marketing to.And why would women buy the book knowing this. I have no problems with different races marrying. My brothers are married to women of different races and I love them to death will do anything in this world for them. Hopefully I made this clear for you to understand.

        • Also Shonda, I have introduced my brothers to their non black wives. I have met them when we were obtaining our masters degree. We began(still) working out and running 5k and 10k together. Have you read the other postings?

    4. I for one am really tired of these so called relationship books and people trying to tell people how and what to do to keep relationships all this crap etc. Why in the hell do you need to read a book to know that you need to R E S P E C T people and especially someone you claim to love. Anyone can write a book the issue is can you follow the directions? Probably not. There is already abook concerning relationships is called the Bible! Oh and by the ay it give all instructions on life including raising children etc.Maybe we all need to start reading it huh? Just my opinion

      • Amen, I’m with you on that. The only thing these so call experts offer is their secular opinions; and what works for them–that’s you. Stop trying to speak for everyone and learn to consult the manual that’s design specifically for that reason (the Bible). (Oh, I forgot: that won’t make you rich.)

    5. After being married 38 years I’ve come to the conclusion if your looking for partnership in the HARDEST job except being a parent on the planet you will have a good relationship. I do agree with Rev. Run modesty and chastity until marriage is the best beginning of the relationship. Growing together is what a real relationship is all about. There will be times that you will outgrow each other but if you communicate these things you will overstand the reason for the spurts of difference. Give and take oh my goodness . I can’t begin to tell you this is as big a part of the togetherness as communication. He is a ChristianAME I am an Afrikan Hebrew Israelite so religion is NOT a reason for not staying together. COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION. Watch your tone when things get emotional. Stop, pause, breathe, take a walk, then come back and talk.

    6. All they want is one way in! Don’t worry, they will come out and hit the highway! And if you are lucky, they might surprise you with a chicken dinner!

    7. Its a very extremely retarded day, when a supposed Woman needs to ask or even read an article published in a media comment about ” what do men want?” The supposed Black America role models are a real bunch of counterfeits, in may opinion, and I am Truly Negro, Colored, Black African American. To show just how confused and ignorant we, as a supposed people are. We as a people not the “Today’s kind of persons”, use to watch the world try to be like Us. Now what we have today is a bunch of Niggers trying to satisfy and copy the “White Societies” standard, walk, talk, look, think and acting like whitefolks, who have to be laughing at Us that are so damned and damned confused. Its embarassing to a whole Race to see this B.S. played out on the World’s stage. A kin to Whites trying to suntan, walk, talk and act like some of Us, the Niggers. Yes, I am the devil’s advocate we are going fast straight and on course to Hell, not for our sins as a people, but for refusing to let God rule and provide in our lives, as did Martin Luther and the Other leaders did, those that paved the roads, streets, Avenues and Boulevards used by those of today, who have put us in the Alleys, gutters and lowlive preverted standards of the so called Role models of today, those who say, do, and take their clothes and morals off for One Dollar and try to Justify it with the dollar sign. We will never be respected for a people of Character by the World, we have become WHORES! both the men and the women, and the first thing we run to is the Bible, obviousily we read it but don’t understand what we read… Personally, I would not choose to fratinize with the likes of these roles models, I already know what a man and a woman wants LOVE! something few today comprehend, to be finanicially poor but rich in love is to Live.

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