TOM JOYNER: And now it’s time for the Celebrity Snitch, Huggy Lodown. HUGGY!!!
HUGGY LOWDOWN: What’s the deal, Pickles? Is everything kosher?
TOM JOYNER: Yeah, it’s Friday.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Tom Joyner!
TOM JOYNER: Huggy Lowdown!
HUGGY LOWDOWN: A.K.A. Mr. Party With A Purpose. What up, fly jock?
TOM JOYNER: Yeah, yeah.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Sybil Wilkes?
SYBIL WILKES: Hello, Hug.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: A.K.A. Ms. Curriculum Rules Everything Around Me Cream Get the Education then the Dollar Dollar Bill Y’all.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Y’all known Sybil’s that woman that, that gets turned on by intelligence.
SYBIL WILKES: That’s right.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: I’ve seen her tell brothers they’re nothing. Their conversation is irrelevant and then tell her date she’s celibate, because they’re not intelligent. Oh, yeah, Sybil will close shop like the Dixie Kitchen in Hyde Park, y’all. Corey Holcomb.
COREY HOLCOMB: Hey, Hug Let Me Hold Something, what’s up?
HUGGY LOWDOWN: The relationship guru to the stars.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Kanye West’s life coach.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Chad Ochocinco spiritual advisor and the one Chris Brown called Mr. Miagi.
COREY HOLCOMB: That’s right, I love it.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Tom and Sybil, how applicable is having Corey Holcomb on the show today? Did you know if y’all put your initials together it describes Corey’s philosophy on females?
SYBIL WILKES: Really?
CH: Go ahead.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Mm-hmm. T.J.S.W.C.H.
SYBIL WILKES: T.J.S.W.C.H.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Mm-hmm.
SYBIL WILKES: Which is?
HUGGY LOWDOWN: The Jew Some Women Can’t Handle.
COREY HOLCOMB: That’s deep. That’s deep. I love it.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: You see, some women don’t want to hear the truth, and Corey don’t sugarcoat. Why do you think women start out watching lifetime movies and end up on “Snapped”?
COREY HOLCOMB: That’s real, there.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: That’s real talk. Sybil, I heard earlier on the show that they had female Viagra and it’s a nasal spray.
SYBIL WILKES: Right.
TOM JOYNER: Yeah.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: What kind of shigity is this? A female Viagra like nasal spray? So now the female is horny with hard boogers in her nose.
SYBIL WILKES: Oh, Huggy.
COREY HOLCOMB: (Laugh) Oh, that’s bad.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: That’s supposed to turn us on Sybil.?
SYBIL WILKES: No.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Contender number one has to be that guy who is suing his wife because she gave him an ugly baby.
TOM JOYNER: Yes.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Yeah, his wife had 100 stacks worth of plastic surgery, and she was beautiful. First of all you’ve never seen none of your wife’s baby pictures?
Not a one? A hundred thousand dollars’ worth of plastic surgery? A hundred thousand dollars’ worth of plastic surgery? When I saw the before and after pictures I was thinking the same thing you was thinking, Tom. Somebody needs to give George Wallace $100,000.
I mean one of them looks like a different woman; $100,000? That sounds like something that should be on Extreme Home Makeover. She’s got $100,000 to renovate the attic. And didn’t do shigity to the basement. That’s why the baby was ugly. Contender number two, the ugly baby.
Sybil, do you know how hard it’s going to be to find a baby sitter to watch an ugly baby? Ask George Wallace’s mamma. That negro is going to be calling me later. Contender number three, I got to put myself on the list.
SYBIL WILKES: What?
HUGGY LOWDOWN: You know yesterday I did a show, on the show I called General Colin Powell, Colonel.
SYBIL WILKES: Yes.
TOM JOYNER: Yes.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Uh-huh. I called him Colonel Powell. And you know black people are so quick to tell you when you messed up. They don’t say you had a good show, they tell you when you mess up though, don’t they?
SYBIL WILKES: Right.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Uh-huh. Two people in particular, one on Twitter, and another crazy lady I know said, you know, put yourself on the Bama Week list for calling Colin Powell a Colonel instead of a General. So I did some research. And do you know that Colin Powell actually was a Colonel in 1976. And then he was a Brigadier General in ’79, a Major General in ’83, a Lieutenant in ’86, and General ’89. So I wasn’t wrong after all.
SYBIL WILKES: Go ahead, Huggy.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: So DJ Sean Juan and Lynn Goldberg, you’re contender number four and five. David Stern is number six because he mistaken Hurricane Sandy for Katrina. So that mean he was smoking all that Keisha.
You know that Bama who criticized President Obama for FEMA, what’s his name, Michael Brown? He’s got to be my BAMA OF THE WEEK, WEEK, WEEK, smoking all that Keisha…