Healthy relationships are only as healthy as the people involved. While we all have our demons, insecurities, issues and challenges, some of us develop tools to deal with them better or learn to be more resilient. Others are constantly repeating childhood hurts or dealing with the depression, sadness and pain those hurts have provided without even realizing it. Once we learn to deal with ourselves and the issues and problems that have shaped us and find a way through pain to love, our relationships both to ourselves and each other can only improve.
If you are in a relationship that is hurtful, you might not be strong enough to leave, but begin by figuring out what it is that you’re lacking that makes it so appealing to you to stay. Then, with therapy if necessary, begin to figure out ways to heal without depending on another person to provide you with the love and nurturing that you missed out on. If you’re the person who is always hurting someone, then you also need to recognize the wounds that cause you to hurt those who are closest to you and that you profess to love. You need to find a way to release the pain and heal the damage that is a result of what you’ve been through.
It may sound like b.s. to some people who’ve been through hell and found a way through without therapy or religion or anything else but true grit. But just as everyone is not hurt the same way, everyone does not heal the same way. Allow others to find the avenue that works best for them. Therapy is just one of those ways. But healing yourself is necessary if you are going to be able to truly love someone else and have the healthy relationships that are the foundation to families and communities.