Girlfriend FM has a new video series on TJ TV called “In Deep Waters.” We will cover many issues that “go deep” for my girlfriends and I, including sex and achieving an orgasm – the Big O, being a cougar a.k.a. dating younger men; interracial dating and more.

Click here to watch Part One of “In Deep Waters.”

And when we were on Tom Joyner’s Fantastic Voyage, we really got straight to the nitty-gritty with some of our celebrity friends, including “Pepa” of Salt n Pepa and our very own Jacque Reid, who’s been very honest about her inability to achieve the Big O.

Did you know that approximately 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone – that is, without the extra help of sex toys, hands or oral sex? And 10 to 15 percent never climax, under any circumstances? If you’ve ever climaxed, you may feel sorry for the women who have never done so.

Climaxing, which is another word for having an orgasm, is defined this way: It’s the highest or most intense point in the development or resolution of something; culmination.

As Jacque Reid pointed out in the video, you can’t miss what you’ve never experienced. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t still enjoy yourself.

In life, we often hold on tight to our experiences when we feel it’s good or when it feels good to us. For something to be good is one thing, but if you’re anything like me, I want the best for my life, which would be the equivalent of climaxing.

The transition point may seem strange, carnal even, but once you’ve experienced greatness, it’s hard to settle. I liken this to the best that God has for us.

In his new book, How To Get Out of Your Own Way, singer, actor and author Tyrese speaks about how we get in the way of walking in our destiny because of the way we think and the things we do. I’ve been guilty of that, and it’s hindered me from having some wonderful experiences.

Yet, no matter how far I go in life and no matter how much I achieve, I still understand that there’s a difference between doing things my way and doing things God’s way – the best way. The strange revelation is that the key to experiencing that highest level of what we want is to let go and get out of the way. Letting go is what helps us climax. Letting go of our will is what allows God to guide our path.

Here’s my direct point: The Big O is really about learning to surrender. Now, how shall we get there?

Deya “Direct” Smith is a producer on “The Tom Joyner Morning Show” and host of Girlfriend FM and Beyond the Studio celebrity interviews on She is also a motivational speaker, actress and social commentator. She can be reached at

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