Even though February is associated with Valentine’s Day and love, the media was filled with stories of relationships gone bad – and public!
From Mary Harvey going on a media blitz, telling anyone who would listen – including us at the TJMS – that her husband had abandoned her, to the sister who took down a text-happy Republican senator, to the chick who had an affair with a pastor and then started a website with the sole purpose of humiliating him, it’s been quite a month.
All three of these women had something in common, and crazy or scorned are not necessarily what I had in mind. All three used technology as their tool to wreak havoc and get revenge.
Personally, I don’t know anyone who has gone to these lengths to get back at an ex, but I’m not saying that makes me or my circle of friends any better than those who have. Still, we distance ourselves from the Mary Harvey-type people of the world because we haven’t taken our beefs with our ex-boos viral – but that doesn’t mean that we are innocent of vengeful wrongdoings. We just tend to keep our crazy a little closer to home.
Click here to hear Nikki Woods’ “What in the Weekend?” report.
Whether it’s talking bad about our mate or ex-mate to not allowing them to see their children because of issues in the adults’ relationship or doing damaging in a more physical, Jazmine Sullivan kind of way, just because your dirt hasn’t been released on cyberspace doesn’t make it less dirty.
Especially when there are babies involved.
For the sake of your children, your mental health and just good karma, getting along with each other should be the goal. No couple, married or divorced should ever tear each other down in front of their children, and no parent should ever tell their children negative things about the other. Easier said than done, I know. We’re all human and are guilty of getting angry sometimes, but mean-spirited, ongoing dissing is unacceptable. When things get bad, we should dig deep to pull up the qualities that we admired about each other when the getting was good – and share them with our kids.
But there’s an added layer.
Sometimes, even if we wanted to stay cool with our exes, we have to fight off outside forces who constantly are giving us negative information or feedback about them. Throw holy water on them (figuratively speaking), and back away. We need to distance ourselves from this type of bad energy – and also question why anyone would want to keep us in that awful state.
I am blessed to have parents who – although they’ve been married for 43 years, and their biggest worry tends to be what exotic vacation they will take next – get the importance of my maintaining a healthy relationship with my ex and encourage it by treating him as a part of the family. And his family does the same for me.
I hope that through our actions, we are teaching our sons that we were committed enough to each other to bring them into the world and remain committed enough to them to parent together, and we can do that whether we are still married or not.
So, whether you’re spewing negative press about your ex on YouTube or to the members of your book club, realize that it’s not healthy and keeps you from moving on to a place of contentment, renewal and self-worth. As hard and heart-wrenching as it sometimes is to accept that you made the wrong choice – or that the one you love no longer loves you back – talking about it in a negative way won’t change a thing.
Instead, wish him well, and work on making yourself better for your children, family and friends. Again, I know sometimes it’s easier said than done, but if nothing else, maybe we should all take a page from D.L. Hughley’s new relationship book and “Shhhh … for Love.”
Nikki Woods is senior producer of “The Tom Joyner Morning Show.” The author of “Easier Said Than Done,” the Dallas-based Woods is currently working on her second and third novels. You can friend her on Facebook or follow her on Twitter: @nikkiwoods.
Also On Black America Web:
This Week’s Celebrity Instagrams (10/15-10/21)
31 photos Launch gallery
1. Just a NY girl with BIG dreams....
1 of 31
2. HAPPY CHILDREN=QUALITY PARENTING. We don't always see eye to eye on everything and that's normal. We're human beings. But we come together and do it right for what's important, the kids. We are not enemies, we are parents. And we are parents 1st. S/O to @monyettashaw for making Mason's bday memorable. S/O to @itscrystalsmith at home taking care of our other lil' Prince. ❤️❤️❤️ THIS IS WHAT CO-PARENTING LOOKS LIKE. #Blessed #Happy #AboveTheDrama #BiggerThanUs
2 of 31
3. So happy to finally be able to share with you all that I’m the new Global Brand Ambassador for @Revlon! Follow my day on RevlonSnaps. Yay! Choose Love, Everybody! #RevlonXCiara #chooselove #ad
3 of 31
4. Glam on point!!!@makeupbymotoko & @shaylinjoneshair #easybreezy @lifetimetv #beachesmovie #january2017 😘
4 of 31
5. ✨True love ✨📸: @jessiemarrerophotography
5 of 31
6 of 31
7. Today was not easy..but by the grace of God we all got through it. Words cannot express our gratitude for all of your Prayers, Positive thoughts and Support for us throughout the years. Tommy will be missed but most certainly never forgotten...And PLEASE don't ask "Where's Martin?.." he was there too...just not in this picture. Lol! God bless you all.. #LoveConquersAll #MartinShow
7 of 31
8 of 31
9. West coast get ready for #RockyHorror. I will be live tweeting again. #letsdothetimewarpagain
9 of 31
10. #THEKEYS pre order yours now ... Available everywhere #NOV22 #WeTheBest 🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑
10 of 31
11. We about to ROCK at #KCABlackBall!! All for our life-changing effort to end 🌎 AIDS.
11 of 31
12. Today's #SNAPJACK is brought to you by @yazzthegreatest 😂😂😂💋💋💋
12 of 31
13. Damn girl you kinda old to be headed to the Go Go. You coming in at the age they leaving. LMAO
13 of 31
14. Daddy daycare B-Boxin with @acewellstucker @shopraisingace
14 of 31
15. #FBF Naviyd & URV "LIL MONSTERS"
15 of 31
16. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF THE BIGGEST LEGENDS IN OUR HIPHOP HISTORY! @snoopdogg CONTINUED BLESSING AND LOVE FAMILY!!!!! REAL OG!
16 of 31
17. Thank you for a beautiful night VSU! Let's do it again! #HOMECOMING
17 of 31
18. Had a great time this morning with my familia Erica, Griff & Truth!!
18 of 31
19. Check out my interview on @essence facebook live. #inmyownwords #nycpromo #day2
19 of 31
20. #She💋 #tbt #TheCoveAtTheAtlantis #DawgPawsAndAll
20 of 31
21. Bae #retailtherapy
21 of 31
22. Why me and @coryhardrict got the same pose... and notee... new mouth #naked
22 of 31
23. When my husband is my personal 'hype-man'! it kills me every time! 💜😂 #WHATNOW #lostfiles📷
23 of 31
24. Diggy Simmons
24 of 31
25. Hand full of @jacquieaiche 💙💎💍 @esnail_la 💅🏾
25 of 31
26. SuperSoulers! You can watch my interview with Carl Lentz live from my Facebook page, tomorrow at 11a ET| 8a PT. #SuperSoulSunday
26 of 31
27. 💋 .. When the friendship is easy like Sunday morning. ☀️
27 of 31
28. Sunday mornings are the best........... hugs and cuddles with my angel
28 of 31
29. #huggar16 #hellohuggars
29 of 31
30. My gym is everywhere!.. #RnBMoney #TheGeneral 📸: @twelvepastseven
30 of 31
31. Nothing I would rather be doing... Rocko setting up our movie, Romelō working on a puzzle & Laiyah singing and sharing all she's learning at school... I'm so grateful for the joy they've brought into my life ... Praying for peace , joy & love in the home of EVERY family ♥️ #HeadScarfPJSunday LOL 😂
31 of 31