The media and fans of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” are all abuzz with the drama of Kim’s recent filing for divorce after only 72 days. Everyone has an opinion about how this drama played itself out, and there’s plenty of judgment going around to boot. But I’m going to be real direct with you about this one. I understand why she did it; at least on some level.
You see, I walked down the aisle once with tears running down my face. They were not tears of joy; they were tears of sorrow. In my spirit, I knew it wasn’t right. I had no peace. God had sent me all of the warning signs. But alas, my mother – who was more excited about her only child getting married than I was – had spent her life savings on my wedding, plane tickets had been purchased, gowns, tuxedos, the wedding hall and more all paid for. I didn’t want to disappoint everyone who was making sacrifices for me.
I was 24, a recent college graduate. I was afraid. I was in too deep, or at least I thought so at the time. But I did love him, so I got married. That decision almost cost me my life. If only I had the courage to be honest and admit that it was the wrong time and with the person. That’s the real lesson: Listen to and follow your inner voice, even if it’s unpopular or hurts others in the process, because in the long run, it may hurt you more.
Kim K’s life is on another scale. During Kim’s first interview since filing, she admitted that she got caught up in the wedding planning and that she didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Like me, if some people were more honest, they would admit that they’ve gone through with or along with something against their better judgment – a wedding, a trip, a business deal or otherwise – because they had gotten in too deep, and other people were counting on them to seal the deal for various reasons.
If you watched the show, even with all of the editing, you could see that there was tension in the relationship; you could tell that, at the very least, they needed pre-marital counseling and better communication. There were warning signs; there always are. But I, for one, have been guilty of seeing the red flags and ignoring them because I followed my heart when my head should have prevailed. And I’ve definitely been guilty of not wanting to hurt other people’s feelings, even if down the road it would hurt me more.
Women are classic for this type of behavior. We do our best to make it work. But in our hearts, we know we’re compromising, and we don’t have real peace about our decision.
It takes a lot of courage to call off a $10,000 wedding when your friends and family are vested in it. Imagine the pressure of calling off a multi-million dollar wedding that’s a production where the whole world is watching. After all, it’s your fairy tale, and once things settle, you hope and pray that things will get better, right?
For those of us who’ve been married and divorced, we know that ignoring the warning signs is the worst thing that you can do. Generally, the unresolved issues pre-wedding only get worse post-wedding. You get married then realize you could have possibly made the biggest mistake of your life. I’ve been there.
Yes, like those of you who believe and support marriage, so do I whole-heartedly. But does it really take more courage to stick it out once you’ve realized you made a big mistake? Or does it require more courage to end it so that you don’t potentially live the rest of your life in a miserable state? More and more, I am embracing the understanding that life is too short.
Is the person who stays married for 20 years living a miserable life more courageous and honorable because they chose to stay? Because they chose to please others and society? Even in the name of your vows, I ask, how long are you supposed to live with the consequences of a bad decision?
Yes, we judge Kim K; we laugh at, gossip about and judge the dilemma she finds herself in. Yes, she probably got caught up in the fairy tale wedding more than the reality of marriage. Regardless of her missteps, I ask you to consider this issue differently. Once you’ve come to terms with the fact that you made a bad decision, is it really better to stay?
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Deya “Direct” Smith is a producer on “The Tom Joyner Morning Show” and host of “Girlfriend FM,” as well as “Beyond the Studio” celebrity interviews on BlackAmericaWeb.com. She is also a motivational speaker, actress and social commentator. Basically Deya is Direct because she has a way of getting straight to the point, telling people the truth without making them feel bad about themselves. Follow her on Twitter @DeyaDirect. She can also be reached at DeyaDirect@aol.com.
