We’ve all heard the statistics by now. With about 70 percent of black women being single and 42 percent having never been married, the idea and ideal of black-on-black marriage is, at the least, challenged.
We know the numbers, and I have no interest in reviewing that which we already know. What are the answers to this dilemma, if in fact you see it as one? We always have options and alternatives; the question at hand is, what are you willing to try? Interracial relationships? A compromise of ideals (the fixer-upper)? An open relationship or cheating? No relationship or marriage at all? Waiting to be found? Same-sex relationships?
All of this is food for thought only. So, let’s begin with the last on that list.
I talked to comedian Roz G, who is racy and well-known for her stand-up about relationships. That’s the conversation I was expecting to have during our Girlfriend FM interview when she threw me for a loop (listen here). Roz, after years of struggling with her sexuality, has come to grips with being more attracted to other women. She went on to say that she believes many women are struggling with their sexuality, but because of societal and familial pressures, they suppress it. What’s interesting to me is that once folks come out of the closet, doesn’t it seem like they want everybody to be gay?
One point that Roz made was profound. She said, “Think about it. As a woman, you spend the majority of your time with other women – talking, shopping, eating, counseling, laughing etc. The only thing you may not do together is have sex, but emotionally you’re more connected with women.” Honestly, I had to pause on that one, although not one bone in my body desires a woman in that way. I do, however, know of women who have been severely hurt in relationships with men and have been “turned out” by female friends and completely given up on men.
This may all sound very risqué, but the reality is that an innumerable amount of young people are identifying as lesbian, gay or bisexual in middle school and beyond these days. They are kissing and holding hands in school, and hanging in cliques that support a certain lifestyle. From a female perspective, not all, but many of these young ladies have challenged relationships, if any at all, with the men in their lives.
My god-daughter’s best friend is 12 years old and has just “come out of the closet,” so to speak. But simultaneously, this young woman is struggling because her parents are going through a divorce, and she’s feeling hurt, confused and abandoned. Many women, after a broken relationship, feel this way as well. I’m not suggesting this automatically makes a person change their sexual orientation. But it can definitely influence it.
So, like it or not, same-sex relationships have become an alternative to love and marriage.
I’ll stop here for now, but I want to hear what you have to say about it.
Next up is the “fixer-upper” – loving a man with potential. Is that an option for you?
Deya “Direct” Smith, along with being a producer on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and host of Girlfriend FM on the BlackAmericaWeb.com stream, is a motivational speaker, actress and activist. She can be reached at DeyaDirect@aol.com.
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This Week’s Celebrity Instagrams (10/15-10/21)
31 photos Launch gallery
1. Just a NY girl with BIG dreams....
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2. HAPPY CHILDREN=QUALITY PARENTING. We don't always see eye to eye on everything and that's normal. We're human beings. But we come together and do it right for what's important, the kids. We are not enemies, we are parents. And we are parents 1st. S/O to @monyettashaw for making Mason's bday memorable. S/O to @itscrystalsmith at home taking care of our other lil' Prince. ❤️❤️❤️ THIS IS WHAT CO-PARENTING LOOKS LIKE. #Blessed #Happy #AboveTheDrama #BiggerThanUs
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3. So happy to finally be able to share with you all that I’m the new Global Brand Ambassador for @Revlon! Follow my day on RevlonSnaps. Yay! Choose Love, Everybody! #RevlonXCiara #chooselove #ad
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4. Glam on point!!!@makeupbymotoko & @shaylinjoneshair #easybreezy @lifetimetv #beachesmovie #january2017 😘
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5. ✨True love ✨📸: @jessiemarrerophotography
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7. Today was not easy..but by the grace of God we all got through it. Words cannot express our gratitude for all of your Prayers, Positive thoughts and Support for us throughout the years. Tommy will be missed but most certainly never forgotten...And PLEASE don't ask "Where's Martin?.." he was there too...just not in this picture. Lol! God bless you all.. #LoveConquersAll #MartinShow
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9. West coast get ready for #RockyHorror. I will be live tweeting again. #letsdothetimewarpagain
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10. #THEKEYS pre order yours now ... Available everywhere #NOV22 #WeTheBest 🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑
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11. We about to ROCK at #KCABlackBall!! All for our life-changing effort to end 🌎 AIDS.
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12. Today's #SNAPJACK is brought to you by @yazzthegreatest 😂😂😂💋💋💋
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13. Damn girl you kinda old to be headed to the Go Go. You coming in at the age they leaving. LMAO
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14. Daddy daycare B-Boxin with @acewellstucker @shopraisingace
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15. #FBF Naviyd & URV "LIL MONSTERS"
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16. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF THE BIGGEST LEGENDS IN OUR HIPHOP HISTORY! @snoopdogg CONTINUED BLESSING AND LOVE FAMILY!!!!! REAL OG!
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17. Thank you for a beautiful night VSU! Let's do it again! #HOMECOMING
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18. Had a great time this morning with my familia Erica, Griff & Truth!!
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19. Check out my interview on @essence facebook live. #inmyownwords #nycpromo #day2
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20. #She💋 #tbt #TheCoveAtTheAtlantis #DawgPawsAndAll
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21. Bae #retailtherapy
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22. Why me and @coryhardrict got the same pose... and notee... new mouth #naked
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23. When my husband is my personal 'hype-man'! it kills me every time! 💜😂 #WHATNOW #lostfiles📷
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24. Diggy Simmons
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25. Hand full of @jacquieaiche 💙💎💍 @esnail_la 💅🏾
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26. SuperSoulers! You can watch my interview with Carl Lentz live from my Facebook page, tomorrow at 11a ET| 8a PT. #SuperSoulSunday
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27. 💋 .. When the friendship is easy like Sunday morning. ☀️
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28. Sunday mornings are the best........... hugs and cuddles with my angel
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29. #huggar16 #hellohuggars
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30. My gym is everywhere!.. #RnBMoney #TheGeneral 📸: @twelvepastseven
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31. Nothing I would rather be doing... Rocko setting up our movie, Romelō working on a puzzle & Laiyah singing and sharing all she's learning at school... I'm so grateful for the joy they've brought into my life ... Praying for peace , joy & love in the home of EVERY family ♥️ #HeadScarfPJSunday LOL 😂
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