We’ve all heard the statistics by now. With about 70 percent of black women being single and 42 percent having never been married, the idea and ideal of black-on-black marriage is, at the least, challenged.
We know the numbers, and I have no interest in reviewing that which we already know. What are the answers to this dilemma, if in fact you see it as one? We always have options and alternatives; the question at hand is, what are you willing to try? Interracial relationships? A compromise of ideals (the fixer-upper)? An open relationship or cheating? No relationship or marriage at all? Waiting to be found? Same-sex relationships?
All of this is food for thought only. So, let’s begin with the last on that list.
I talked to comedian Roz G, who is racy and well-known for her stand-up about relationships. That’s the conversation I was expecting to have during our Girlfriend FM interview when she threw me for a loop (listen here). Roz, after years of struggling with her sexuality, has come to grips with being more attracted to other women. She went on to say that she believes many women are struggling with their sexuality, but because of societal and familial pressures, they suppress it. What’s interesting to me is that once folks come out of the closet, doesn’t it seem like they want everybody to be gay?
One point that Roz made was profound. She said, “Think about it. As a woman, you spend the majority of your time with other women – talking, shopping, eating, counseling, laughing etc. The only thing you may not do together is have sex, but emotionally you’re more connected with women.” Honestly, I had to pause on that one, although not one bone in my body desires a woman in that way. I do, however, know of women who have been severely hurt in relationships with men and have been “turned out” by female friends and completely given up on men.
This may all sound very risqué, but the reality is that an innumerable amount of young people are identifying as lesbian, gay or bisexual in middle school and beyond these days. They are kissing and holding hands in school, and hanging in cliques that support a certain lifestyle. From a female perspective, not all, but many of these young ladies have challenged relationships, if any at all, with the men in their lives.
My god-daughter’s best friend is 12 years old and has just “come out of the closet,” so to speak. But simultaneously, this young woman is struggling because her parents are going through a divorce, and she’s feeling hurt, confused and abandoned. Many women, after a broken relationship, feel this way as well. I’m not suggesting this automatically makes a person change their sexual orientation. But it can definitely influence it.
So, like it or not, same-sex relationships have become an alternative to love and marriage.
I’ll stop here for now, but I want to hear what you have to say about it.
Next up is the “fixer-upper” – loving a man with potential. Is that an option for you?
Deya “Direct” Smith, along with being a producer on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and host of Girlfriend FM on the BlackAmericaWeb.com stream, is a motivational speaker, actress and activist. She can be reached at DeyaDirect@aol.com.
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This Week’s Celebrity Instagrams (11/26-12/2)
30 photos Launch gallery
1. Little Legend and Puddy 😍😍😍😍
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2. "You on point Phife?" "all the time,Tip". 💥 #bannedfromnormal
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3. Vegan! The Impossible burger at Crossroads
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4. Lawrence #BeforeandAfterEpisodes 1-4: 184lbs 13% body fatEpisode 8: 196lbs 8% body fat S/O @coachdaveboxing with the works outs and @kildareriordan with the nutrition
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5. Jus haaaanngin out
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6. Meanwhile back at home in Atlanta GA someone mad they not on the 🛳. 😳
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7. No limits... Photo cred: Chris Bridges @ludacris
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8. new new
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9. Apparently my 260lbs is too much for the actual vines in the Hawaiian jungles to hold me without breaking and me falling hundreds of feet. So for safety purposes, I'm forced to swing thru #Jumanjj on wires strong enough to hold 12 adult buffaloes and 1 adult Rock. #OnSet #Jumanji #IronicallyIEatBuffaloDailyForLunch #MoreManThanNatureKnowsWhatToDoWith
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10. hey ma! 🎎#wcw 💙
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11. Surprise visit to our factories!!! #GoodAmerican #USA
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13. Peachy Keen 🔥✨⚡️
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14. If this don't look thankful I don't know what does. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. #UltraBlessed #24kMagic #SweetPotatoFly
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15. Late nights @nbcmarlon with the writers... we in here!!!
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16. There goes my baaaaaaaaabbbbyyyyy #QueenKingMagic!!! We're up to something! Ira BIG!!! Stay out our buisness -
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17. You want to win every game you play but when you come home to these faces... who cares. #ILoveYouGirls best part of my day, everyday!
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18. Steady,steady..... full size jenga.. "I got this one "???? Or do I ?
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19. Cornrows kind of day 😉@dontaysavoy2 you convinced me and I love. ❤️️
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20. #BrotherlyLove #tbt
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22. #basel #TeamLOVE @kingcombs
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23. Just introduced a special screening of @directher 's groundbreaking (must see) documentary @13thfilm with my brother @themichaelealy | @unitedblackout #blackoutblackfriday
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24. Me & Vanessa Williams giving #DuckLips #Pose on the set of #DaytimeDivas @vh1 - Coming Soon to a tv near you. Lol. - My make up done by @makeupsurgeon
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25. This picture just makes me wanna praise the Lord, you hear me!!!!!! Yes Lord brotha #TEDDYCAMPBELL What a #man !!! You are everything right on this picture husband ......... #gorgeous #stylish #classy #strong #masculine #king #sexy #debonair #gentlemenstyle And that #bible in your hand just seals the deal for me (probably cause i know that, that is what helped you become just as amazing as you look😘). While my heart and mind experiences the goodness of God at #church on Sundays, my eyes experiences the goodness of Teddy😍. Amen somebody🙌🏽. "Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name" #myman #myhusband #goodman #blackman #dapperman #godlyman #goodfather #mybestfriend
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26. Yesterday was my mama's 53rd birthday!!!!! Got to celebrate with her all day. If this is what I have to look forward to I can't wait. Looking like a soft bucket a cocoa butter. Yaaaaaaaaaas! 😍😍😍 love you mommy!
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27. "Shout out to @PureAtlanta for getting the family right"....I'm loving this jogger. 😍😍
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28. This pic warms my heart ❤️ #myLogiebeans and aunt aunt umba @itowandabraxton 😘
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29. You will always be my baby😜. #HappyBirthdayReginae #mybaby18
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30. GC "Gods Child" Red on Red SweatSuit available now at www.MonicaApparel.com ... Take Your Crown wherever you go!! I'm pictured in a Medium... Go to the site now for other options ... cc: @trukernell
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