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Comedian Chris Paul’s hilarious take on today’s hottest topics:

The judge sentenced Jesse Jackson, Jr. to 30 months in prison and his old ball and chain got 12 months of ball and chain.  Oh, well, they did it to themselves, spending $750,000 of campaign money so they could go shopping and get their swerve on.  But I guess the couple that swerves together, serves together.

A new study reveals that Americans would rather be in bed than to gain weight.  Hey, what about those of us who are fat and broke?

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian insist that they are not getting a divorce even though there are rumors everywhere that Lamar has been cheating.  Well, if they’re not getting divorced then they’re at least getting a new couch, because there ain’t nothing sadder than a brother 6’10 sleeping every night on a six-foot sofa.

And speaking of the Kardashian’s, Kim’s parents are trying to go at President Obama.  See, the President said we need to change the way our children think.  So they’re not worried every day about what Kim Kardashian is doing.  So that made Kim’s mom, Kris get upset.  She said Kim has worked hard for everything she’s got.  Oh, we know Kim worked hard.  We saw the tape.  She worked hard on her back, she worked hard on her stomach, and in one position Ray J worked her like a dog.